My Poor Lil Heart

I can’t remember a time that I wasn’t a worry-wort. In fact, it’s probably genetic. My mom’s a worrier. Her mom’s a worrier. My dad’s mom will ream me out if she finds out that I’m out of the house past 6 pm. That’s how much of a worrier she is. I got it on all sides. Worse though, I’m so much of a worrier, that I have pretty much exclusively cultivated friendships with worriers. We’re all just a big, huge, splattered mess of anxiety.

We’re women who get heart sick over worry. We’ll play out conversations in our minds. We exaggerate the smallest ideas in the tiniest nooks and crannies of our brains. Those we love are affected by our anxiety, yes, but WE are affected by it most of all because it’s OUR sound mind and our relationship with God that takes the biggest hit.

That’s why the verse I got this week impacted me so much. It addressed the worries, the real problem, and the solution.

When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your love, O LORD, supported me. When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. -Psalm 94:18-19

The worry is that I”m slipping. I’m losing my mind. I’m not able to force myself into faith or thankfulness or into obedience. I’m overwhelmed by something. And that I’m going to do something stupid or that something or someone is going to defeat me.

The real problem is that I think that I’ve gone further than He can pull me back. OR that I’m being so petty that He’ll just leave me to deal with my mess. I forget every basic Christian doctrinal idea and somehow become a deist in 2.5 seconds.

But the solution that God offers is love. His love is so great that He brings Himself to our concerns. Not a angel with an answer. Himself. And that brings perfect peace and unspeakable joy. The “comforts” God offers, “they do not only pacify the mind, but they (bring) joy (to) it; they do not only satisfy it, but ravish it; they not only quiet (it), but delight it.” (Charles Spurgeon)

We slip, we become exhausted, irritated, agitated, worried .. and our faith slips, our spirit slips. His response is to love us by giving us the only thing that will pull us out: His love. That cheers us.  “Cheers” isn’t the right word though. A better translation of that word is “make confident.”

His love makes us confident. We’re reminded of who we are and who He is.  And then comes our part. We have to choose to either accept or reject the statement “God loves me enough to handle this for me.”

If we can accept it, then the worry will dissipate. If we can’t, we’ll stay in the state of burning, stressed out shoulder muscles and rapid heartbeat.

For me, this week, I needed to be reminded of just how big He is. I needed to hear the “thunder of who (He) is,” as the song says (below). I needed to search His heart out and hear that He loved me again. And I needed to trust that the little pieces will be cared for. And as I did, things got better. It’s just what happens.

Hope this blesses you.

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