I’m a work in progress. I just want to start by admitting that. As much as God’s poured into me and crafted into me, I’m totally and completely a work in progress. And I’m closer to the beginning than the end.
One of the things that I’m being transformed in is in the area of pride. Lately, the Lord’s called me to see that the reason I lack confidence and the reason that I get hurt so easily, especially when I step out with His authority to do things, is because I never allowed Him to deal with the root of , and confusion over the issue of, pride in my life. And so every time I step out, Satan or one of his ugly minions can just accuse me with “Really? You think you can do that? You’re so arrogant.” Or something of the like. And every time. EVERY. TIME. I fold.
Now that doesn’t mean that I haven’t had some good humbling moments or that I’m as prideful as I used to be. But I’ve tried to rid myself of pride in the wrong ways. It’s something that I have, in the past, thought I could tame by merely holding my words. Or that I could just force passiveness. But you can’t tame pride. It needs to be exterminated.
The problem is that we can’t just get rid ourselves of pride. It’s not in our capabilities. There’s no amount of beating ourselves up that will rid us of pride. There’s no amount of rejecting compliments or encouragement that will rid of of pride. What God has shown me in the past three months is that an increase in submissiveness is the only thing that will kill off the pridefulness and leave me to live free and fully confident.
The problem is that word “submissive” and the verb “submit” were incorrectly defined in my brain. I thought submit meant that I become robotic. “Yes husband.” “Yes Lord.” “It’s all God.” It’s more than that. Submissiveness isn’t throwing everything out the window. It’s about offering space. It’s about trusting that your needs will be met.
“God, it scares me for you to deal with (enter word here: that hurt, that person, that situation, their hurt), but here’s space for you to do what you need to do.”
It’s not about us hating ourselves. It’s about having a seedling of trust that He won’t accuse us, won’t let us fail, won’t hurt us. That He knows, that He listens, that He provides. That He’s happy to allow us to experience glory WITH Him (not apart from Him). And because that glory is so incredible, we end up bowing our knee to the Creator of that situation, the lover of our souls. We bow out of deep, heartfelt love for the One who loves us incomparably more than we can ask or imagine. And out of enough of those experiences, we learn to go with Him every time we sense Him directing. We learn to seek Him first, in every moment. It becomes the desire of our hearts. It’s beautiful really. Tear jerking-ly beautiful.