This morning, I hurt. I just want to start by admitting that. My heart is broken.
Sometimes, when you’re in a season where God asks you to wait, or to wait on Him, you’re faithful enough to push back against opposition. Like any battle though, usually, when you do that, the armies of darkness decide to deliver a big blow. Tom and I got that blow yesterday.
It wasn’t a blow that affects us directly. Tom still has his job. We still are in our apartment, waiting to figure things out, completely hopeful that we’ll be where God wants us to be. The blow to us was watching something happen to people who are dear to us. Ever been there? Have a friend that is a wonderful servant get cancer? Have a family member lose their job unexpectedly? Have a co-worker, who is wonderful, get the news that his/her spouse is leaving them?
These moments are flat out disruptive. They are muddy and messy, yes, but even more so, they break our hearts. They leave us in a place where we have to sort out just and unjust anger, bitterness vs. a knowing of injustice, and sorrow while still remembering that God is faithful.
It’s an ugly situation.
In my brokenness, ugliness can destroy me. It sucks me in completely. This morning, I’m grateful that the Lord isn’t going to let me behave that way. I’m blessed in that God has raised a shield for me to feel hurt, and still long for Him, instead of idolizing my bitterness or hurt. Because God reminded me, just a couple of seconds ago, that He is the opposite of ugly. And He is STILL powerful.
I find myself crying out the words of Isaiah 33 this morning. The prayer for distress and help. I pray it for myself and I pray it as encouragement to those I love:
2 O LORD, be gracious to us;
we long for you.
Be our strength every morning,
our salvation in time of distress.
3 At the thunder of your voice, the peoples flee;
when you rise up, the nations scatter.
5 The LORD is exalted, for he dwells on high;
he will fill Zion with justice and righteousness.
6 He will be the sure foundation for your times,
a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;
the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure. [a]
10 “Now will I arise,” says the LORD.
“Now will I be exalted;
now will I be lifted up.
22 For the LORD is our judge,
the LORD is our lawgiver,
the LORD is our king;
it is he who will save us.
When I’m looking at uglyness, I can be consumed by it, OR (this is a big or), I can choose to desire beauty. Painfully, I choose beauty this morning and worship with whatever I have. Because He is beautiful, and He’s the only one who can make ANY situation go from desolation to beauty.